Recently, I worked with Darren on some sales content—including launch emails—for the release of a new product at DPS. That launch email was tested against another version written by a professional marketer in a split test before the launch. In (what was to me) a shock result, the email I’d written achieved:
- 7.3% more opens (39.5% to 32.2%)
- 4.8% more click-throughs (7% to 2.2%)
As we’ll see, this experiment busted five key sales email myths:
- Use call-to-action sales links in sales emails.
- We need to “sell” the customer on the product before they’ll click a link.
- A sales email should focus on a discount or offer.
- A sales email should overtly drive readers to action.
- Scannability is about bold font, bullet lists and subheadings.
First up, let’s look at the email.
—-
Subject: Wish you could take Gorgeous Photos, Every Single Time? Now You Can
Body:
Wish you could take gorgeous photos, every single time? Now you can.
Photo Nuts and Shots is your comprehensive guide to creative photography. And for a limited time, you can get 25% off the cover price!
If you know your way around your camera, and you’re ready to harness practical techniques to take stunning, evocative images, this 100+ page ebook is for you.
Over 9 down-to-earth chapters, professional photographer Neil Creek will show you how to:
- harness light to convey emotion
- know the rules of composition … and when to break them
- take the sharpest possible photo every time
- adapt the camera’s exposure to produce the shot you want
- master the concepts of shot perception, planning, and execution — in any setting
- tap into your unique creativity to take evocative photographs that reach out to viewers
- be the best photographer you can be.
For full details, visit our Photo Nuts and Shots page.
This lush, inspiring, practical guide normally retails for $19.99 but for a limited time, you can secure a copy for just $14.99.
That’s 25% off!
Of course, you’re protected by a 60-day money-back guarantee, so if you don’t feel this detailed ebook has helped you become a better photographer, you can get a full refund.
For more information, and to order your copy today, visit Photo Nuts and Shots info page.
Darren Rowse
PS: Order Photo Nuts and Shots in the next week and you’ll also go into the draw to win a brand new Canon EOS T2i SLR camera and lens. But hurry, time is limited.
—
One thing you’ll notice is the aspirational nature of the selling point here. This was an aspirational product, being sold to people who had an ambition. Also, the DPS audience members aren’t new to the Web—they’re comfortable with technology and this medium.
The other email we tested used an offer-based subject line that promoted the launch discount. While discounts certainly appeal to customers, this example shows that a discount doesn’t always have the pulling power we think it will. What works best always depends on your audience.
This email contains a number of audience-specific techniques that I’m happy to discuss in the comments if you like, but in this post, I really wanted to focus on the broader techniques that I think helped give this email—and could give any sales email—a solid head-start in the response rate stakes.
1. Tie the opening to the subject line
The first sentence of this email is identical to the subject line. I don’t think that’s necessarily ideal, but I do think your email has an immediate hook if your subject line identifies your key selling point, and your opening answers that point.
As I’ll explain in a moment, this email does achieve that “answer” in its opening. But what do I mean by “answer”?
In this context, an answer isn’t necessarily an answer—to a question, for example—although it can be. An answer is a secondary piece of information that actively and substantially supports the proposition contained in your subject line. Look at a book’s chapters and you’ll see that their opening paragraphs directly relate to, explain, and/or support their titles. You’re aiming to achieve the same thing, but in a sentence.
So, for example, it would be much stronger to follow this email’s subject line with an aspirational opening sentence than an offer-focused opening sentence. Why? Because the selling point in this version of the email is aspiration. The opening sentence needs to reinforce that positioning whole-heartedly.
2. Make the first word count
The first word in this email is “wish”. It’s a present-tense verb, it directly reflects the selling point (aspiration), and it’s sweet and non-spammy. Wish? Who doesn’t have a wish?
I could have started with “Do you wish” or “Have you ever wished”, but those sentences just push that crucial word—wish—further and further away. We have micro-seconds to catch potential customers’ attention. We need to cut to the heart of the matter.
That first word is valuable in itself from a positioning point of view, but as we’re about to see, it has much greater value than this alone.
3. Link to the sales page
The first link to the sales page appears on the second line of the email. It’s an informational link containing the name of the product.
The other email we tested included its first link to the sales page in the fifth paragraph, and the link text was a call to action: “Order your copy here.” In fact, that email had two links, and used the same call to action in both. As you can see, the email above does not use call-to-action link text.
I think this points to a couple of common misconceptions about writing sales copy:
- The first is that a call to action is the appropriate form of link text in sales copy.
- The second is that a reader needs to be told things—that you need to “sell” them on your concept—before they’ll be sufficiently convinced to click on a link. I think most web users are more sophisticated than this. They trust their own opinions far more than yours or mine, and they know that clicking on a link is not a commitment to buy.
If you look glance at the opening of this email, you see two things: “Wish you…” and a link to Photo Nuts and Shots. I may be alone, but to me, that says “Problem? Solution.”
4. Make it scannable
You knew this was coming, right? And yes, we included a list (every point starting with a carefully chosen verb, to exemplify a benefit), a bolded discount offer, and an eye-catching post-script with a competition to generate immediate action.
But the other email we tested had all these “scannable” elements too. So what’s the difference?
I think scannability has evolved from the early days of subheads-and-bullet-list advice. As we just saw, at first glance, the opening contains a problem and a solution—even if the reader isn’t reading. This may sound extreme, but I’ll say it: the reader doesn’t really have to move their eyes to get that information.
If, as we know from research, readers’ eyes stray down the left of the display, then we should provide them with as much information as we can on the far left of the page. I am an extremely lazy online reader, so I know from personal experience that this makes a big difference to comprehension.
I think scannability comes right down to language choice and sentence structure. On the left-hand side of this email we see—even if we don’t consciously read them—the following words:
- Wish you could
- Photo Nuts and Shots
- Over 9 down-to-earth
- For full details
- This lush, inspiring
- That’s 25% off
- Of course, you’re protected
- For more information
- Darren Rowse
This information combines to deliver:
- acknowledgement of a problem
- the name of the solution
- a link
- value: the book length (9 chapters; I used the number because it stands out more clearly in body copy than would the word “nine”) coupled with the size of the discount (also a number)
- reassurance
The one thing to remember with this left-hand-side technique is that words in subsequent lines of the same paragraph may not display against the left-hand margin in the user’s email client. You really need to focus on first words of paragraphs with this technique.
5. Beginnings and endings
There’s another little scanning-related technique that I wanted to mention. Let’s look again at the list of benefits, which is probably one of the parts of any sales email that gets the most attention.
- harness light to convey emotion
- know the rules of composition … and when to break them
- take the sharpest possible photo every time
- adapt the camera’s exposure to produce the shot you want
- master the concepts of shot perception, planning, and execution — in any setting
- tap into your unique creativity to take evocative photographs that reach out to viewers
- be the best photographer you can be.
I have this idea that we pay attention to the beginnings and ends of pieces of text. Take the middle sections out of these bullet points, and here’s the message you end up getting:
- harness light … emotion
- know the rules … break them
- take the sharpest … every time
- adapt the camera’s … shot you want
- master the … in any setting
- tap into your …. reach out to viewers
- be the best … you can be.
This applies to other pieces of text, too. Like the first two paragraphs:
Photo Nuts and Shots … 25% off the cover price!
If you know … 100+ page ebook is for you.
And the refund paragraph:
Of course … get a full refund.
So don’t just pay attention to the left-hand side of your content. Also pay close attention to the endings of each piece of text in your email.
Warning: oversell
This email did achieve a good response rate. However, the complaint rate on this email was higher than the other version we tested by 0.04%.
That’s a small percentage, and you’d probably say it was worth it, given the higher open and click-through rates.
Interestingly, Darren told me that the ebook’s author, Neil Creek, also voiced concern at the strength of the message in this email. When the email was mailed to the whole of the DPS userbase, the words “every single time” were removed from the subject line.
I have to admit that I was extremely impressed by the product itself, and that obviously came across loud and clear in my writing. But it makes an important point about word choice and expression. The bottom line seems to be, don’t go overboard, however enthusiastic you may feel about the product.
Rewriting the myths
After this experiment, here’s my take on the sales email myths I outlined at the start:
- Use call-to-action sales links in sales emails.
Write your copy for the audience, and use what feels like natural link text. If it’s a call to action, fine. But it needn’t be.
- We need to “sell” the customer on the product before they’ll click a link.
Some readers may need convincing, but many just want to look at what you’re selling for themselves. Don’t make them hunt for the link.
- A sales email should focus on a discount or offer.
The focus of your email should be dictated by the audience’s needs.
- A sales email should overtly drive readers to action.
You don’t need to use in-your-face techniques like call-to-action link text, repetition, and screamy sales lines (“Don’t miss out! Order now! Limited stock available!”) to get results.
- Scannability is about bold font, bullet lists and subheadings.
Scannability is about paragraphs, sentences, and words as much as it is these presentation mechanisms.
How do you feel about these ideas? Do you think they’d work with your readers? What other suggestions can you add? Also, if you try some of these techniques and can share your results with us in the comments, we’d love to hear them.
Related Articles
Over the past few months I’ve been getting back into the game I love, and that’s focusing on building web sites and killer content. As much as I love building web sites, it’s never fun to work on the backlinks and social bookmarks it takes to truly get a web site indexed and getting the search engines to love you. With that said, I’ve been looking at a lot of different solutions for link building and bookmarking management.
Backlinks are one of the most important factors to consider when you are trying to get a good rank in search engines for your blog or website. Backlinks are often called Seo fuel and they are the most important off site optimization methods. In this article I will tell you some effective methods which can be used to 
Posts
